How It All Began…

Well, when a man and a woman really love each other…

Just kidding.

The delivery was absolutely amazing.  No medical interventions at all, other than a bed and a monitor.  It hurt like crazy and I screamed, but it was one of the most empowering experiences of my life.  Sweet Girl weighed in at about 6 something.  Small baby but full term, about 10 hours of labor, most of which was at home.  It was true womanly moment.  My female body, in all of its strength and femininity not only nourished a small person for ten-ish months but worked with this small person for hours to bring her into this world.  The human body is well, just wow.  I love childbirth.  Sweet Girl was my second baby, but they are all so different and unique that you forget that you have been through it all before.

Anyway…we brought her sweet self home and she nursed and slept and nursed and pooped and nursed and slept.  Rare did we hear a peep from her and even then when she did cry it was very soft.  I was amazed at how different my babies were and I just went with it all appreciating their differences and valuing what I thought was primarily personality.  Daddy is very laid back so I thought she had inherited his patient chilled out demeanor.

She laid in her bed completely content, sat in her bouncy seat completely content, rode in my wrap completely content, and hung out.  She would stare at all people with her thumb in her mouth…just stare.  Many attempts were made by friends, family, and strangers to make her laugh and giggle and occasionally she would smirk.  Sher would smile and laugh sometimes for us at home.  She went through a short “freak out with strangers” phase even if mommy and daddy were around, otherwise she just hung out.  She loved to look out the window.  Late crawler and walker…I thought I probably did not give her enough opportunity.  Very little babbling, if any.

We went to visit my parents and she did not flinch when the vacuum was turned on.  (We did not have a “real” vacuum since our house was all wood floors).  My mother, an interpreter for the deaf, became concerned.  Sweet Girl was only responding to her name sometimes and I became a little concerned, but not too much.  Just thought she was laid back.  Side note:  Deaf and Hard of Hearing is in my family.

We became a little more alarmed as my mother insisted we get her checked out.  We thought she was fine, but began our series of unscientific testing.  We banged pots and pans beside her and no response at all, we would scream her name and nothing, more loud sounds, whispers…anything we could think of and no true consistent responses.  She was responding to her name sometimes and she would respond to some noises…I figured she could hear, just why was she not consistent?  Then I began to wonder if she was even responding to her name or just the sound if it was loud enough, or broke the silence, or was startling.  We decided to go ahead and get her checked out.  Totally fine, but audiologist suggested a follow-up.

Now what?  We then went to a speech therapist for an evaluation.  She was not talking at the time…some babbling.  She would repeatedly make certain noises like “Gully, gully, gully, gullygullygully until it all ran together and would laugh.  She is such a happy girl.  She would run and laugh and run and laugh-hysterically.  It was and is absolutely adorable and makes this mamma almost smile to tears.

Speech therapist said she did not recognize an obvious disorder and recommended therapy once a week.  It was at this time that I started a bunch of research as that is the way in which I handle things.  Read, read, read and I am better able to process.  The downside is that reading opinions, speculations, and often one sided research does not offer much clarity, but rather presents an even greater issue of countless possibilities and partially informed concerned parents.  I still read.  I feel better.

So… she was about 18 months-ish.  She was babbling, saying some very basic words, inconsistent responses to her name being called .  She seemed vacant.  She always seemed vacant…like her sweet blue eyes that loved to stare were often staring straight through me and hardly ever at me.  So very sweet and so happy.  She played alone.  She would take a nap and when she woke up she did not call out to let me know she was up, she would sit and play for quite some time if allowed.  Totally content.

The speech therapist started and Sweet Girl loved her!  She was a huge help and we also started using a lot of sign language.  She would pick up words and then later they would disappear…as if she could only hold on to so much.  She started spinning when she got excited, flapping her arms in large crowds or unknown situations, and she started tip toe walking.  Just sometimes at first and it gradually increased.  She hardly played with toys, just ran and ran or touched everything in the room.  We noticed she had these little dolls that had a home on the rocking chair in her room and no matter how many times they were returned to their home in the dollhouse during cleanup, Sweet Girl would return them to their proper home on the rocking chair.  She always wanted to tv screen down in the van…she just liked it that way.  At first everything seemed sweet…”Look she is dancing!” we would say and then the intensity would increase.  Then she started biting and hitting other kids.  What is “normal” and what is concerning.  So much of her behavior was “odd”.  My brother has Aspberger’s, so with several of the symptoms of autism being exhibited, we were all concerned.

There are so many details left out, but now we are here today.  Sweet Girl is still such a happy little girl.  I love her so very much and I know that this world is a better place because she is in it.  I am afraid of the future and what it may hold for her and what I feel I need to do to help her or protect her, but she is amazing and the journey continues.